I Resolve………….

31/12/10 2:44 PM

Happy-almost-New Year’s-Eve, Blog-O-Sphere readers!

Brendan Ben Feeney here noting to resolve NOT to make New Years resolutions.



It will be 12:03 AM—and I would have broken 27 New Years resolutions before the traditional New Year’s baby wets his/her diaper.

Yet, in the spirit of reflection, if I WERE to make New Years resolutions, here are points to ponder.

1) Join a gym. Just driving up to the gym, seeing it from a distance, I feel healthy. Entering the gym parking lot, I notice pounds melting away. Touching the gym’s wall—I now fit into size 34 jeans. I  like this “gym thing.”

2) Eat healthy. “Excuse me waiter.  May I SUPER SIZE that tofu burger with porcini  mushrooms and broccoli sprouts….and drown it in a ocean of catsup? I almost forgot. Kindly add a colossal side order of onion rings deep fried in lard.Yes, lard. It gives onion rings flavor.  Onions are a vegetable.”  

What? Why the raised eyebrows? See YOUR tip declining like the Dow Jones Industrial Average in 2008 for the dirty look.

3) Buy cotton handkerchiefs and do not use paper tissues for blowing one’s nose . Achoo………….Count how many boxes of tissues YOU go through during a year. Now multiply this by 1-8  billion people–with runny noses. A gross thought, but the thought crossed my mind. When in doubt, use your sleeve. It is 12:04 and I my polo shirt sleeve is one big Kleenex. Achoo…………instant relief.

4) Ride my bike more often. I was just in New York City during the Blizzard of 2010.  The bicycle lane was buried under 20 + inches of snow. Skip the bike and walk, take public transportation, and/or carpool. This is green. So too are aliens. If I do purchase a new bicycle, I want it to be a  retro 1972 low rider with a long ribbed banana seat with high handlebars–like a Pablo Picasso bull sculpture.  At 12 I was Steve McQueen—and did not know it. Easy rider will be my bicycle name………….however, I must be home before dinner or darkness.

  Pee Wee Herman’s Off-Broadway show is about to end its run. I will invite Pee Wee as my first guest bike rider. When the snow melts in Central Park (July, 2013) we will “tool around” Central Park in our uber cool bicycles. See our plastic bike handle thingys flapping in the breeze.  But I am not making any resolutions so a bicycle ride with Pee Wee is  more fantasy than reality. Pee Wee. If you do read this blog post, lets “go for a spin.”

Do you plan to make New Years resolutions? If so, share yours here. My editor and I will try to post some- but not all due to the heavy traffic on my website. I want to make this particular post  interactive.

Even if you follow my path (the long lost way home) and do NOT make resolutions, share your thoughts too.

Everyone, have a safe New Years Eve celebration. Pass the car  keys to a friend if you are not in shape to drive.  Be a good friend and take the car keys from someone who has too much to drink and is about to drive off in a car. Off my moral soap box.  Time to read, write, and take a delicious nap.

Thank you for making my year rewarding and special.

Happy New Year!

Brendan Ben Feeney

PS: Two more post are in the works about my work and down-time in Stamford, CT, USA, and New York City. Stay tuned. Film at 11:00 PM as we say in the United States.

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